Night Games
by Jenna1980
Summary: UPDATED So what happens when two vampires get bored? They torture Integral thats what! Integral begins to wonder where she could get a vat of holy water in the middle of night. Funny stuff! Reviews Please
1. Default Chapter

Okay this is what happens, when I have a very long tiresome day at work. I get slap happy and think of weird things to write about.  
  
I've replaced this story a few times, trying to fix mistakes, so if there are any left my apologies.  
  
Just a fun little thing I made up cause I needed to relieve some stress.  
  
Read Enjoy Review.  
  
It was the middle of the night, and she wasn't even close to wrapping things up.  
  
Sir Integral Wingates Hellsing sat at her desk, grumbling to herself about the ever growing pile of work that needed to be done. She dropped a stack of files into the metal filer next to her drawer, and grabbed the next item from her in box.  
  
Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump she heard the footsteps of someone running down the hallway.  
  
"How annoying." she groused.  
  
Creaaakk, a door somewhere further down the hallway opened and shut loudly.  
  
She gritted her teeth, trying to ignore the noises out in the hall. She took off her glasses, and rubbed her eyes, silently reminding herself that she was in need of a new prescription.  
  
Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump the same footsteps now ran down the other end of the hallway. And again she heard the opening and slamming of doors.  
  
Integral needed a break; she pulled a cigar from her pocket and lit it. She sucked the sweet smoke into her lungs and held it; savoring it before exhaling and seting the cigar in the nearby ashtray.  
  
It had grown quiet outside her door; time to get back to work.  
  
Clomp clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp, whoever it was had just galloped down the stairs.  
  
Integral stood up and marched to the door of her office, whoever it was trouncing around the house was going to get it.  
  
She opened her door, ready to catch the person at the bottom of the stairs and throttle them, but she was too late. Who ever it was had already disappeared.  
  
Integral growled, and returned to her desk.  
  
All was quiet for about an hour, except for the occasional door opening and closing, and something that sounded like someone was moving furniture.  
  
She was strong, she'd ignore it, this work had to get done! She could literally feel the deadlines choking her. She reached for her cigar only to find it had burned out, searching her pockets for another cigar she found each of them empty. She was about to go on a tirade about her lack of cigars, but remembered she had more in her desk drawer.  
  
She pulled open her drawer hoping to find her treasured cigars. Instead she jumped to her feet, utterly shocked and horrified. She slammed the door shut, and tried to contain herself.  
  
She was definitely working to hard. She had to be imagining things  
  
She pulled open the drawer, it was filled to the brim with thick, brackish blood.  
  
"What the hell?" she yelled.  
  
She was about to empty the drawer onto the floor when she noticed little eyes begin to form.  
  
"Oh that does it," she said to herself.  
  
"ALUCARD!!!" she screamed.  
  
He remained in his goopy eyeball form, refusing to move.  
  
Integral loaded her gun, and took aim at the blob in her desk drawer. She was just about ready to fire when the door to her office flew open. Seras ran towards the desk and peered into the drawer.  
  
"Master I found you! You lose!" she laughed.  
  
Integral stood there stoically, not finding any of it humorous.  
  
"What are you two doing?" she yelled.  
  
"Hide and seek Master." Alucard purred as he disappeared out of the drawer, and returned to his normal form.  
  
"And Master Alucard was losing. Honestly Master, I would think a vampire of your power would be able to hide better."  
  
"I thought I actually had you this time, I was certain that you'd never to think to look in here."  
  
"You're such a sore loser Master."  
  
"Am not, you cheat Police Girl."  
  
The two carried on like ten year olds until Integral was ready to pull her hair out.  
  
"DO YOU TWO MIND?"  
  
Alucard chuckled, "Oh, but Master we're both terribly bored. It's been so long since we've had a mission, and we're both itching to kill something."  
  
"I don't care what you're itching for! GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!!!"  
  
"But master..." Alucard laughed.  
  
That was it, her last thin thread of patience snapped. Integral raised her gun and fired. Both vampires dodged the bullets easily, and ran from her office. She kept firing until both of them ran down the stairs to their lairs.  
  
"That was fun Police Girl this was a good idea. Who knew I could have this much fun without killing someone."Alucard laughed, sitting down, at the bottom of the stairs.  
  
"I thought we agreed that Integrals office was off limits." Seras laughed, plopping down beside him.  
  
Alucard cocked an eyebrow, giving her a maniacal grin, "I know that's why I hid there."  
  
Seras' jaw dropped, "you're a dirty little cheat! I knew it!"  
  
Alucard laughed, "You're surprised?"  
  
They heard Integral on the floor above them, "I still hear you, you vile creatures. Now go find something to do before I shoot you! And this time I won't miss."  
  
Integral could hear both of them laugh as they slinked away. She wondered how ethical it would be to kill her co-workers.  
  
This was a place of business, not a bloody, fucking daycare center.  
  
After a few minutes of cursing Alucard and his little pet, she went back to work. Stopping every now, and then when she thought of a really great way of ridding herself of the two of them.  
  
"I wonder where you get vat of holy water this time of night?" she mused, tossing another stack of work in her file cabinet.  
  
THE END  
  
Yeah I know, utterly silly. But I just couldn't function properly until it was out of my head.  
  
I just looked at my hit count for this story 102 since yesterday when I put it up, and only two reviews. Let me know what you think! If you like it great let me know, if you think it could be better tell me! Just don't be cruel about it that's all I ask. 


	2. Disheveled

Wow thanks for all the great reviews! Who knew all my silliness would be so enjoyablet. One of you asked what I was on when I wrote this and my answer is absolutely nothing, yeah scary I know. I actually think these things up when I drive to and from work.  
  
So I hope you enjoy this new installment, it's a bit odd, and Alucard acts a bit childish but I still think it's funny!  
  
Read Enjoy Review!  
  
Alucard quietly shut the door behind him, and crept down the stairs. Just as he was at the bottom, he heard light footsteps walking down the hall on the floor above him. Melting into the shadows, he waited until he heard the door open, and close above.  
  
What he had done was wrong....horribly, horribly wrong.  
  
Once he was sure the coast was clear he re-appeared, and walked down the hallway towards the basement. The further away he was when things went down the better....  
  
***  
  
Integral sat down in her chair, she had been in meetings all day. She was tired, and in desperate need of a break. Propping her feet up on her desk, she took a deep breath, and lit one of her cigars.  
  
She inhaled deeply, enjoying her addiction.  
  
***  
  
Alucard was halfway down the hallway, when he ran into Walter. On any other day Walter was always good for a nice chat to pass the time. But today was not that day.  
  
"Hello Alucard, I'm glad I ran into you. I've been looking for you I wanted to tell-"  
  
"Can we talk later Walter, I'm actually very busy I-" Alucard tried getting passed him, but Walter stood his ground.  
  
"It is very important that I speak with you, it's about a new weapon I've been designing. I'd like to get your opinion on it if I may."  
  
Alucard nodded, "Sure Walter, but not now I really have to go-"  
  
KABLAMM!! Ahhhhh!  
  
What sounded like a small explosion came from the second floor. Walter was sure it was another invasion. He turned towards Alucard.  
  
"Alucard, you must...."  
  
Alucard had vanished. Walter quickly made his way to the second floor, expecting Alucard to already be at the scene protecting his master.  
  
"It must be a hit of some sort." Walter thought to himself. Sir Integral had, had a few assassination attempt made on her through the years. He hoped that once again luck would be with her, and she would be unscathed.  
  
He opened the door, and walked into a thinning cloud of light smoke. Integral's chair was turned away from him. Walter feared the worst.  
  
"Sir Integral?" he paused, "are you all right?"  
  
Slowly, the chair turned around. Walter's jaw dropped.  
  
"Sir Integral! What happened?"  
  
***  
  
Seras Victoria was on her bed, lazily flipping through a magazine. She barely batted an eyelash when her Master slammed the door to her room. She glanced up at him, and gave him a "what is it now" look.  
  
He giggled maniacally, and slapped a hand over his mouth, trying to suppress his crazed laughter.  
  
Seras went back to her magazine, completely unphased.  
  
A few seconds ticked by before Alucard heard the doors slamming upstairs.  
  
"ALUCARD! You fucking corpse, don't you dare hide from me! I swear I'll kill you when I find you!" Integral screamed.  
  
Alucard clutched his sides, trying to hold in his laughter.  
  
"I told you not to do that Master." Seras said, still reading her magazine.  
  
Integral was barreling down the stairs now, with Walter following behind her. She knew he wouldn't be dumb enough to hide in his own room. But maybe in his little pets room. She banged on Seras' door.  
  
Seras pushed the still laughing Alucard out of the way and opened it. Never in her life (or un-life) did she every dream of seeing what stood before her.  
  
Integral stood in the doorway, covered in black soot. Her glasses were still firmly pressed to her head, but the lenses had been shattered. Her once pristine blonde hair, flailed out in all directions and the ends were slightly singed.  
  
Seras was about to pleaded her innocence, but was abruptly pushed aside. Integral stepped towards Alucard, who at seeing his dishelved master burst out into cackling fits of laughter.  
  
"Is this a new look Master?" he snickered.  
  
Integral was livid. She gritted her teeth, and cocked the gun she had carried down with her.  
  
"Now Sir Integral lets not do anything brash" Walter chirped , trying to be the voice of reason.  
  
Integral ignored Walters pleads for proper decorum, and raised her gun shooting Alucard right between the eyes. He dropped into a heap of blood, and red fabric, his cheshire cat grin still glued to his face.  
  
With that Integral holstered her gun, turned, and left a very stunned Seras behind.  
  
Seras stood beside her Master, and tapped him with her foot, "She's gone you can come back now."  
  
Slowly, Alucard pulled himself back together, the hole in his head eventually closing itself up.  
  
"Well I hope your little prank was worth it Master. You're lucky she was using regular bullets on you."  
  
Alucard groaned while he sat down on the bed, rubbing his head.  
  
"I can't say I told you so." Seras said.  
  
"Oh come on Police Girl one of us had to, and let's face it you were too scared."  
  
"Scared? I was not, this was all your idea. I wanted no part in this whatsoever! I swear you're just like child." she yelled.  
  
Alucard shook his head, trying to clear the fog.  
  
"Give them to me." Seras ordered, holding her hand out towards him.  
  
Alucard stared at her innocently, "There aren't any more."  
  
"You're such a liar, hand them over."  
  
Alucard grumbled something about the whole event not being fair, and that he was only playing around. He searched his pockets, and handed Seras a small rectangular card board box. Emblazoned in big yellow letters were the words.  
  
"ACME Exploding Cigars! Trick Your Friends!"  
  
Seras walked into the bathroom; snapped each of them and flushed them down the toilet.  
  
"I know you're bored Master, but can't you just read a book or something? Do you have to resort to pranks"  
  
Alucard shrugged his shoulders and began paging through her magazine, "I gave up on books centuries ago, Police Girl. They're dull, kinda like you."  
  
Seras sneered at him, "I am not dull, and give this back." she grumbled snatching her magazine away from him.  
  
Integral sat in her office, it had taken her almost an hour to clean herself up. She had thrown out her entire stock of cigars; she was sure he had tampered with all of them.  
  
She wondered if maybe she should take up a new addiction, one that didn't involve lighting things on fire.  
  
Okay so there's the second installment, once again it's complete silliness. Don't ask me why Alucard is constantly picking on Integral, she just seems so easy to provoke. I'm currently toying with Alucard doing something to Seras but not sure what yet. Hope you enjoyed it. 


	3. Red is Your Color

Okay after many, many, many months I've decided to maybe do a few more chapters for this one. Seems to be a big hit so I may as well add on to it. Granted I doubt this one is going to be as good, it's kinda just to get me in the mood and my brain working. Anyway enjoy!

It had been hours since she had seen the inside of the manor. She dropped her case of ammo and her weapons by the doorway as she entered her room. She sat down on her bed, and began the arduous task of undoing her boots.

An early morning training session had been ordered, and on top of that a surprise mission had come up just as the training session was coming to an end.

Exhausted, she flung her boots to the far corner of the room and looked at herself. She was covered in mud and sweat, she felt absolutely filthy from head, to toe.

It had been an easy mission just 10 maybe 20 freaks, nothing she couldn't handle. But why they decided to show up in the middle of a bog was beyond her. There she was hacking freaks up while knee deep in freezing cold muck. She shivered, and began undressing, she was longing for a hot shower.

She tossed her uniform into the same corner as her boots, her long black socks soon followed. She pulled on her terrycloth robe and grabbed her toiletries. She had a long trek over to the showers.

Integra had been promising her that she'd put a shower in her small bathroom. But she had yet to see it come true. She plodded wearily across the manor to the shower/locker room. A thick humid mildew smell wafted through her nostrils, apparently some of her team mates had already come and gone.

She pulled her robe off and entered what was the female shower room. It had been hastily built upon her arrival. Seeing as she was the only female on the team. It was basically just a shower in the mens shower room with a stall built around it.

She didn't mind it too much. Walter on the other hand had been after Integra for months about how indecent it was to have a mixed shower room. But adding a women's locker room (especially for just one woman and a vampire no less) didn't seem to be at the top of her list.

Seras didn't mind too much, the guys were gracious enough to give her space. Not too mention while she was doing her "waking up routine" they were asleep in their beds.

She turned the water on, giving a yelp as icy water rained down on her. She scooted out of the way of the spray until the hot water kicked in. When the temperature was to her liking she grabbed her soap and began working the grime and mud off.

"Nothing like a hot shower" she said to herself. She began singing a tune she had heard in the van ride home from her mission, it was a song she hadn't heard in years. It was from a movie she saw when she was still in school, it brought back memories of running around with her friends. She belted out the little bits of the song she knew as loud as she could while washing the muck out of her hair.

_Love me, love me, say that you love me,  
Fool me, fool me, go on and fool me,  
Love me, love me, pretend that you love me,  
Lead me, lead me, just say that you need me!_

She was enjoying herself quite a bit, she didn't hear the door swing open as a tribe of her fellow team mates came in. They had just come back from a quick dinner and were also there to get the muck from that nights mission off before going to bed.

A few of them snickered heartily at her as the began to wash up. It wasn't the first time they had heard her wonky voice in the shower.

She was on the second verse of the song while she shut her eyes and rinsed the conditioner out of her hair. She thought her hair was never going to rinse out, she could still feel her hair heavy with conditioner. She opened her eyes and gave a shrill scream.

She was covered in thick, black tar colored blood. In fact she was ankle deep in it, and it was rising quickly. She rubbed her eyes trying feebly to get the blood out her eyes. Her hair was slick with blood and it clung to her skull. She screamed for it to stop, and began to fiddle madly with the faucets. Grabbing both knobs she twisted them frantically, instead of them turning the water off they popped off in her hand. Blood spurted out form the wall like a high powered hose.

She was now knee deep in blood. She finally gave up and busted out of the stall, blood gushed out onto the wet tile floor, she slid to halt as she noticed that 25 of her male team mates stood naked in front of her, a mix of humor, and horror on their faces.

Flustered and scared out of her mind she went to leap back into her stall, but the blood that flowed out of the stall made the floor slick. She slipped and fell, a loud, wet **THWACK** bounced off the walls, as her butt met the tile. A few of her team mates began to snigger slightly, while some of the more polite ones started over to her to see if she was okay.

Seras was utterly mortified, before anyone could come to her aid she half crawled half slid her way back into her stalls, slamming the door behind her.

She brought her blood covered knees to her chest and shivered, what was happening? Had she finally snapped? Blood still poured out of the shower head. She listened as the men bewildered at her quickly finished and exited.

"Seras are you sure your alright?" one her mates asked through the stall door.

"Fine just fine, I'll be out in a bit." she laughed nervously.

She was now waste deep in black sticky blood. It seemed like it would never end. She didn't dare leave her stall, she was already embarrassed enough as it was.

She curled up in a sad little ball, waiting for them to leave. How was she ever going to live this down? Half of them already treated her like she was a leper, but this was just icing on the cake! There she was naked, covered in blood, and worse yet they had probably heard her singing! She wanted to curl up and die in the stall right then, and there.

She heard the stall door click open. She felt a chill as the blood gushed forth from her stall.

"That's a good look on you Police Girl, I always thought red was your color." sniggered Alucard.

She looked up at him he was leaning in the doorway of the stall, a shit eating grin on his face.

She brought her knees tighter to herself, "GO AWAY ALUCARD!" she shrieked.

"Oh come on Police Girl, it's nothing I haven't seen before." he chuckled.

Seras was about to slam the door on his face when a light went on in her head, "it was you wasn't it!" she screamed.

He straightened himself up and tried to look serious, but couldn't stop a grin from breaking through.

Seras lunged at him, quickly forgetting her modesty, she grabbed a handful of the gloppy blood and slung it in his face. This only made him cackle with glee.

"I swear Alucard if you ever" she yelled as she tackled him tot he ground.

Seras was livid, she began punching Alucard, his laughter only growing stronger.

"But Sera's...heh heh... I was bored with Integra...hee hee oww.... she was getting too cautious.. Oww hey not the eye!" he twisted, and flipped her on her back pinning her wildly swinging arms and legs under his strong grasp, "come now no harm done right?" giving her another sly grin.

"Wrong," she shouted, and began to worm her way out of his grip, "I hate you, you lousy, good for nothing prat... it's a shame I can't kill you" she snarled in between breaths.

Alucard was just about to pin her once again but was interrupted by a stern, "_Ahem_?"

"What the hell is going on in here?" Integral stood in the doorway, a loaded pistol in her hand, "I hear that there's a problem in the shower room and this is what I find!" she bellowed.

Sera's tried to heft a now stone solid Alucard off of her, "get off you big dead oaf," she whispered.

The two of them stood up.

Walter came around the corner ready to attack whatever beast had broken into the room, but stopped short when he saw Seras, he gave a quick, "oh my, " and exited.

"Walter grow up!" Integra snapped, "how did this happen? Why? Answer me one of you!"

"Alucard did it Sir Integra, seems that I've become the new target for his pranks. He-"

Integra swiftly put a hand up to stop her from speaking, "I don't want to hear anymore. Alucard if I even so much as think that you are pulling another prank!"

Alucard gave her an dramatic bow, "Master, I swear to you I will never prank another living soul again!"

Integra caught his wry comment, "see to it that you don't prank any of the unliving souls as well Alucard."

She gave and exasperated sigh and left, a blushing Walter following after her.

Alucard nudged her, "she seems cranky."

"Screw you Alucard." she muttered.

"Like that definitely" he snickered, giving her blood soaked form another look.

Seras sighed angrily, and walked over to a nearby shower, there was no sense in being modest with her master any longer. She began rinsing off.

She was hoping he would leave, but he hung around a bit longer.

"You know," he said after a long awkward silence, "you didn't have to be such a tattletale."

Seras spun around mid shampoo, "what was I supposed to do? Sure some of your pranks have been funny, but this one was only humorous to you! I was totally mortified!" she said bitterly.

Alucard cackled once again. Seras finished up and turned the water off.

"What are you laughing at?" she asked.

"I just remembered the look on Integra's face as she walked in." he gave an excellent rendition of her shocked expression.

Seras smiled, "yeah Walter looked rather appalled as well!" she giggled, forgetting for a split second how angry he had made her.

"See Police Girl, this was funny on several levels, it was really quite brilliant when you think about it, " he tossed her a towel, her robe now to filthy to be of any use.

"Whatever Alucard, just lay off for awhile. Or we'll both be looking for a new place to stay."

She wrapped the towel around her and walked with Alucard back to the lower levels of the mansion.

They past Walter on the way down, he blushed again and ducked into a nearby room. Seras couldn't help but laugh.

Okay there you have it. I guess it was kind of a twisted ,mean prank, but I still thought it was pretty funny. By the Way the song she was singin was Lovefool by the Cardigans. Not sure why I picked it, I just thought it was the type of thing Seras would sing in the shower.

Lemme know what you think, and hopefully in a few weeks I'll have something else.


End file.
